This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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