she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
