Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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