One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
