About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i came on her dog
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
