I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
