no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
