Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
