im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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