you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
