wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
