I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
