plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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