So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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