I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
