I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Pants are for mortals
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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