Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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