He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So vagazzling was a success
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
