i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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