he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
