Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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