Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
are you so shy because you have an std?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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