Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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