And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
