he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
