so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
