Only a mothe r could love this liver
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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