She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
