now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
