Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
