He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
try to milk me bitch
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