i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
