Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
