The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
