Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
