Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
