this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
