When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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