Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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