you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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