I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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