Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
