My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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