Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
