she was so not down for the gang bang
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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