So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
