That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
this hospital has no fireball
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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