haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
