I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
