is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i drank out of a bidet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
