Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
