lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i now understand why vodka
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
